Archive for September, 2018

How to step fully into control (with confidence)

Do you have everything mapped out? Do like to know exactly how things will happen and what everyone else needs to do in order for things to be ok? Do you feel it will all fall apart if something or someone gets in the way??

Or do you go with the flow, able to navigate things that crop up, and keep going with a sense of calm and achievement?

There are different kinds of control. 

There’s the positive kind of control that helps us get where we want to go, navigating our way in a fluid and flow-like way.

We have a clear idea and vision about where we want to go or what we want to achieve. 

Things might crop up along the way which distract us momentarily, but that’s ok. We get over the frustration relatively quickly – there is inevitably frustration along the way – we course correct and then keep going. 

We allow people to figure out their own journey as we go on ours. We support them rather trying to get them to do it our way. 

We are strong, resilient and we have the resources to cope with whatever is put in our path. 

This is control with strength and courage. It’s a softer kind of control that is fluid and open to change. 

And then there’s another kind of control. 

It’s not bad or negative. Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t like to place things quite so quickly into good/bad, wrong/right etc. 

It’s just different. 

But this kind of control generally feels more like a fight and a struggle to get to where you’re heading. 

Nothing feels in flow and any challenges or diversions along this path feel frustrating and usually sets you back. 

We also try to get everyone else to fit in with our life plan, trying to ensure that if they do things a certain way or behave a certain way it’ll all work out fine. 

It definitely takes us longer to get where we’re going when we hold onto this kind of control in our lives. 

It affects our work, our relationships with colleagues, family and friends, and it affects our own wellbeing and of course, our confidence. 

This is a rigid form of control. It’s unnerving and we always feel as though we’re on the back foot. We feel like we’re only just about holding onto control and it erodes our confidence as time goes by. 

So, which kind of control shows up the most for you?

If it’s the less positive kind, then there are a few things you can do to start feeling more in control so that your confidence soars.

I was chatting with a client of mine recently who now feels so much more in control of where her life is heading. She responds to situations and those people around her in a very different way, especially those that are closest to her.

So today’s 3 tips are actually my client’s top tips on how she has gained more ‘positive’ control in her life:

  1. Stay aware of it – become aware of when you’re trying to control something or someone to fit into your way of doing thing. How might you be able to navigate the odd bump in the road or hurdle, without it stopping you in your tracks?
  1. Say no to things and people – this isn’t easy for many of us. We’re often trying to please others or avoid criticism so we do things we don’t want to. Ask yourself what do I want to do here or what do I need right now that will give me contentment? 
  1. Ask why I’m doing it – everything we do, say or how we act impacts those around us as well as ourselves. Before we react, take a moment to ask yourself, how will doing this (or saying this), impact those around me, and how will it affect me? 

We are all responsible for how we react in a situation or towards others. When something unexpected happens then it can either derail us or set us back. Or we can find a way to navigate around it and keep going. We become resilient and find ways to do things differently. We take control of our lives and find solutions in order to keep moving forward. There’s nothing more empowering than that 🙂

Remember:  Start small and build from there. 

Much love,

Natasha x 

P.S. Where in your life, do you not feel in control at the moment? By doing something different you will start to find a solution that works for you. Give it a go, what have you got to lose?

P.P.S. Reply via email – I’d love to hear how you are getting on, or let me know if you’re struggling and need a little inspiration to make a start!

How resistance can help you move forward!

Do you find that when you’re on a roll and things are going really well, all of a sudden and quite literally from nowhere things start to go quite dramatically wrong? Do you then feel like you’re right back where you started?

It’s disheartening isn’t it? I’ve been there many, many times. Things are going great, lots of new stuff is showing up – all evidence that I’m on the right track, right?! 

And then out of nowhere something goes wrong. A work opportunity disappears. Fun plans get cancelled. Someone behaves unexpectedly. Things break or go wrong. 

We put our heads in our hands and ask: “What on Earth am I doing wrong?”

It makes us stop in our tracks and we want to give up. 

It’s disappointing, it’s de-motivating and it’s exhausting. 

And the more we keep playing out this pattern (moving forward – stopping – going back in our old comfort zone), the more exhausted we become. 

When things go ‘wrong’ it feels like a sign from the universe that we are on the wrong track and we should turn back, doesn’t it?

I used to think so too!

But it is actually a sign to keep going. 

Counter intuitive, right? But hear me out. 

When we are busy taking lots of action to create the changes we want, it feels really exciting as new things show up. The results feel really positive and encourage us to keep going.

Then, as soon as the results don’t feel so positive anymore, we immediately think we’re doing something wrong. This is when so many of us give up. We stop and we head straight back to our comfort zone, which was exactly where we were trying to move out of!

This is perfectly normal, that’s why so many of us do it. 

Moving out of our comfort zone isn’t always easy and that’s when resistance shows up. We have a wobble, it feels too difficult. So we stop. 

Many of us stop just before we make that transition into our new comfort zone. We turn right back around and head straight back to what’s comfortable and familiar. We know it well after all, even if we didn’t like it there. 

So when resistance shows up, it’s actually a sign to keep going and head further away from your old comfort zone and keep taking action to continue moving forward and create your new comfort zone. 

As you move out of your comfort zone, some of the stuff that was in there with you (keeping you comfortable!) will no longer be useful or helpful where you going.

So it will absolutely feel uncomfortable as some of this stuff shows up. 

Don’t lose heart. It’s a sign to keep going. 

It’s an opportunity to look at what’s showing up and ask yourself, what do I need to approach differently, what can I change, what do I need to fix or eliminate?

It’s an opportunity for you to look at this uncomfortable experience, and check what needs to change to continue moving forward. 

The important thing here is to keep going! It’s not easy. I know.

But it’s worth a shot, if the alternative is heading straight back to what you’re trying to move away from isn’t it?

Here are 4 tips to help you push through resistance:

  1. Accept change can be hard. Moving out of our comfort zone into something relatively unknown isn’t always easy. It requires persistence.
  2. Keep going, don’t stop. Don’t turn around and head straight back to your old comfort zone. 
  3. Approach things differently. When stuff shows up that doesn’t feel positive, ask yourself what you need to eliminate, change or fix. What can you do differently to keep going?
  4. Celebrate resistance. When resistance show up it really does mean a transition is coming. If you can get excited when resistance shows up then you have the energy to keep going. 

Remember:  Start small and build from there. 

Much love,

Natasha x 

P.S. Where is resistance showing up for you right now? Change won’t always feel safe, as you have no certainly about where you’re going, so approach it differently and find a solution that works for you. Give it a go, what have you got to lose?

P.P.S. Reply via email – I’d love to hear how you are getting on, or let me know if you’re struggling and need a little inspiration to make a start!